Mar 28, 20234 min read

Girl Code By Michell Barker

Updated: Apr 21, 2023

Girl Code

By Michell Barker

Female relationships are very important. I would go as far to say the right friend group is vital toyour emotional health and development. Your girlfriends are the ones that help you to pick up the pieces when you think you’ve fallen apart.

They come over with a bottle of wine after abreakup to tell you that you were too good for that person anyways, always their loss. They’re your biggest cheerleaders when you need encouragement and a partner in crime when you’re in the mood to break some rules. The strength of a woman is not in her ability to judge or insecurely be better than another woman but rather her strength is in the health and support of her tribe. No one is an island, we all have been hard wired for relationships but the key is having the right relationships around you. Having nice clothes or the best cars are great but having the best girlfriends is priceless and helps you enjoy this thing called life.

Your life is not a dress rehearsal, your goal is to enjoy your life as much as possible and have the best mates around you to help you do that. Below is a short girl code to help you and your girlfriends thrive more.

1. Don’t get mad at people if you haven’t told them what bothers you. I have no sympathy for someone that gets mad at me over something they didn’t communicate. You can’t assume that people know what you like and don’t like. It's your job to communicate your code to the people in your life. The “they should know” mentality is low frequency and lacks consciousness. It does take vulnerability to communicate this because we’re unsure if we do speak up that people will respect our boundaries. But if people value you they will and you can’t be afraid to find out if they’re that kind of friend. If someone upsets you, ask yourself whether you have disclosed to them that it would bother you. If you have and they ignore what you said then see the second girl code rule.

2. You might have to let go of low frequency relationships so that your higher vibrating relationships can thrive. It’s natural to outgrow and evolve out of friendships. I used to belong to a large friend group and when I got divorced not one of them checked up on me. I had to let them go and focus on the relationships that were there for me. If your girlfriends are not treating you well but you see them do the most for other friendship don’t ignore it and don’t be afraid to let those types of relationships go no matter how long you were friends for. Sometimes, higher levels of friendships can’t come in until you’ve cleared the old energy from your life. People that honor themselves will not hang out with people that don’t treat them well, even if you will. When you spend time with your girls you should leave their presence energized, filled with laughter and love.

3. Relationships are about effort, support and showing up. So in the same way you like your girlfriends to show up to your events, encourage yourself. Make the effort to make yourself feel special. You have to be the same way – and please don't give me the excuse that you don’t know how. You can learn how on Google, or ask your friends what you can do. At the very minimum reciprocate in kind but the danger with reciprocatingwhat you like is that everyone has different love languages.

So if you do for people what you like it might not land as effort. A true friend learns another friend's love language and operates within that vein to make your friend feel valued.

4. Be present in each other’s presence as much as possible. If you make plans to hang out with each other, minimize your scrolling time on social media, reading emails or texting other friends. I mean, what’s the point of spending time with your friends if your focus is somewhere else?

5. Don’t cancel girls' nights at the last minute. I do understand that some situations are beyond people’s control but when people are penciling you in their calendar they’re saying no to other people and events that they could have said yes to. Respect people’s time, it's not just your time that’s important. Especially don't try to cancel last minute if your girl is hosting the girl’s night. She’s gone out of her way to get food and buy wine for the night and rearranged her space to facilitate the evening.

6. If something bothers you, speak up. I know it’s hard for some people to do this but brushing issues under the rug is really burying emotional landmines that will blow up at the wrong misstep. It’s the end of 2022/beginning of 2023. It’s no longer status quo to keep surface relationships or pretend that everything is okay when there are clear elephants in the room. Talking through issues is how you deepen the pool. It’s not your age that determines your maturity but the way you act. Grown women address issues with other grown women.

7. Listen to each other. Don’t absorb the entire conversation with only what you have to say. Empowered women know how to actively listen and understand from a business sense that one of the power of position and influence is in listening. If you have no influence in your friend circle, one of the key reasons is because people are not going to listen to people if they don’t feel heard by the person. It’s about listening without waiting for the person to shut up so you can speak that helps people feel valued. The next time you’re around your girls try listening more and interrupting less. See what you learn and how people act differently towards you.

8. Come up with your own girl code within your friend circle so everyone is clear about how

to honour and support each other.

Michell Barker

Certified Life Coach

Motivational Speaker

Author: You Are Not the Only One

michell@michellbarker.com